


Purrleasure Me, Meowtherfcker

by ultimate_uke (orphan_account)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged Up, F/M, alya and nino are dorks and also oblivious, alyanino are dating, heavily influenced by WTAS and TWoJ, jade is nino, jadepina doesnt get along well, lila the btch aint here, post reveal ladynoir, screw her, volpina is alya
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ultimate_uke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of pining, LB and CN are now finally dating. And so are Adrien and Marinette.</p><p>You thought we didn't need another two oblivious beings(slash)dorks? </p><p>If you did think so then ok fine xD.</p><p>That's when Jade Turtle and Volpina are going to appear.</p><p>**</p><p>"Y-you're in heat..." she sputtered nervously. "You need to f*cking cool down."</p><p>"That's exactly what I need."</p><p>"What? Cool down?"</p><p>Jade Turtle got close to Volpina, their faces inches apart. He whispered, "No. F*cking."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Purrleasure Me, Meowtherfcker

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collab of erikaminazuki and marycarmel(from wattpad). This fic is cross-posted in wp. We figured that smut should be posted here in ao3 xD Mary doesnt have an ao3 acc so I'm posting this using my acc.
> 
> EDIT: we both are fond of reading sinfics and attempted to write this piece. i am new to writing smut so please, DLDR

The dark suited hero sat on the edge of the Eiffel Tower. He sighed heavily in sadness and frustration. He just had to mess up didn't he? He couldn't just do as he was told. He was too slow...yes, he was a turtle but this was ridiculous. Jade Turtle held his face in his hands.

 

Footsteps came closer from behind. He didn't look up however. He just knew who it was.

 

The fox heroine leaned against a metal bar not far, on platform of the structure. She twirled her magic flute in mixed annoyance and boredom.

 

"You're a joke, you know that?" She said at last, slashing the silence with her cold words. Jade Turtle didn't react, he didn't even look up.

 

The orange colored woman liked attention, she liked to prod and pick at her partner. However this time he wasn't reacting and arguing. The lack of reaction from him made her feel uneasy.

 

She poked him with her flute, he grunted in annoyance. She poked him again. "Volpina, stop! I'm not in the mood alright. Go away."

 

Volpina stopped her prodding and stared at him. _**Can't he even look at me?**_ She huffed her irritance.

 

Volpina didn't hate her partner. He was alright...for a turtle. He was kind and sweet and handsome and...

 

Volpina snapped out of it. **_Handsome!?_ ** She gave him a look. The heroine frowned. If he ever knew, she would die. She knew him well and they were friends even if they didn't know each other outside of the suits. But it would just kill her.

 

Or were they _'just friends'_ ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

She crossed her arms and looked away. "He's so f*cking annoying...I just wanna...I just wanna f*ck him," she muttered in self-defeat. Good thing it was out of ear shot....or so she thought.

 

Jade Turtle blushed ruby red. **_Did she just..._** As soon as he heard her his body went rigid and shot straight up in shock. Volpina saw this and went stiff in fear. She couldn't believe she just said that!

 

Jade Turtle didn't know how to react. He wanted to laugh but then sighed and mumbled something inaudible. Volpina flicked an ear in his direction and gasped at what she heard.

 

"...please f*ck me..." the whimper was light but Volpina heard. She smirked in devilish delight.

 

She turned slightly towards her partner, "I'd be happy to."

 

Jade Turtle looked over his shoulder this time. "W-what?!" He tried to swallow but couldn't. **_Someone help me!_**

 

"Oh don't flatter yourself!" She scoffed at him. "You're not my type." She turned her nose upwards and huffed.

 

"Excuse me?! I never said you were my type either. No thanks," he said with disgust.

 

"Uuuuugh! I hate you so much!" Volpina shouted at him.

 

"I hate you more!" He shot back as he stood up.

 

"I hate you so much it annoys me!" Volpina exploded.

"And I hate you so much, it turns me on!" Nino screamed in her face. Volpina swallowed back her retort. Her face turned scarlet.

 

"What."

"I mean what," they both said in unison.

 

 

"...Oh mon dieu... _(oh my god)_ " From a certain distance, a red suited heroine gasped and covered her mouth with a hand. She had been watching the two for a while. Since they'd become miraculous holders, she'd sensed the tension between them...the _chemistry_.

 

"My Lady?" Ladybug jumped at his voice. She bumped backwards into him and felt his arms snake around her waist.

 

"Uuuh hi, kitty," she said as nonchalantly as she could. He chuckled in her ear.

 

"And here I thought I was a peeping tom," he said with a grin. "At least I find a better hiding place when I spy..."

 

The blood rushed to Ladybug's face, "W-wait what?!" She finally turned around to meet him. His glowing green cat eyes sparkled with mischief.

 

"Don't fret Bugaboo," he pulled her closer by the waist, their fronts touching. "You're the only one..."

 

Ladybug pursed her lips together in embarassment. **_This cat, I swear..._ ** She looked at him and smirked. "Now kitty, don't go and hurt yourself with all this angst." Ladybug pressed against him and got her close to his lips. Chat smiled in waiting. "Sshhh, I'm watching my favorite soap opera. Look." They both turned their attention back to the arguing teens.

 

As Jade Turtle retorted something to Volpina, Ladybug blushed as red as her suit. Chat Noir smirked and rolled his eyes, "That was so juvenile haha, I can do better than that."

 

After a small facepalm, Ladybug clapped her hand over his mouth for silence. She didn't want to get caught.

 

 

"Why are you so hot in this suit? F*ck you!" Volpina was saying.

 

"Your suit matches well with your figure, makes me hard everytime I see you," Jade Turtle returned, acting as though she'd given him a compliment. Volpina stared at him in silence. "Still am."

 

Volpina gripped her flute tightly with conflicted emotions. She gave him a hard stare. "If you don't shut up, then you're going to have to hide your sorry ass from me!"

 

Jade Turtle stood in front of her and cocked his head sideways, "Erm, why is that?"

 

"Because you're going to be so screwed..."

 

Jade Turtle's eyes darkened with lust and want. He felt his excited heat rise up inside his suit. He gave Volpina a lusty look, "Sure, you can screw me all night long, babe." He bit his lip and winked.

 

Volpina's eyes widened in shock as he got on her nerves. Her disbelief faded with a sly smile, "Your d*ck will be gone before you know it."

 

Jade laughed huskily. "Of course babe," his eyes narrowed on her, "gone inside you."

 

Volpina gawked at his comment and stood speechless, not knowing what to say next. "Oh yeah, well you're not getting laid tonight, or anytime soon."

 

Jade Turtle's need for her grew by the seconds. "Who said anything about having sex laying down?"

 

 ** _Sh*t, is it mating season for turtles? Do they even have one?!_ ** Volpina thought with panic.

 

Volpina gulped inaudibly, not wanting her inner Alya let loose and make things worse. "Y-you're in heat..." she sputtered nervously. "You need to f*cking cool down."

 

"That's exactly what I need."

"What? Cool down?"

Jade Turtle got close to her, their faces inches apart. He whispered, "No. F*cking."

 

Volpina swallowed but her mouth was dry, however she she couldn't say the same for her suit anymore.

 

 

Ladybug's face turned crimson and light pink spread across her companion's face. "Oh my God! My poor heart," she whispered, on the inside she was fangirling like she never had before.

 

"Your heart's not the only thing throbbing, my lady," Chat said from behind. The red heroine faced him and he pointed to his crotch. His excitement physically prominent through his suit. Chat Noir's eyes were closed tight and he bit his lip, unable to say anything for himself.

 

"...oh..." the dark blue haired girl's eyes widened in realization. Her blush grew darker at the sight. Aaaaaaaaah! Ok Marinette, don't lose your head. Stay calm. Keep cool.

 

Chat Noir shot her a sh*t eating grin. "C'mon LB, can't I have some help here? Please," he said in between grunts. Their suits were tight and the leather was uncomfortable for the horny cat. He pulled her by her waist, back into his front. Ladybug squeaked in surprise. "Please My Lady..." his husky voice rang through her ear. "Just a little bit..." he whimpered and ran his nose across her neck gently.

 

Ladybug shuddered. "C-Chat, no."

 

He stopped. "Aw what?! C'mon my lady! Help a guy out, this hurts!" Chat Noir whined like a child.

 

Ladybug cast him a cold glance. "Be patient Chat, let's play a little game of chance."

 

"Hmmm?"

 

"Let's see just how long you can hold out, kitty," she clarified and stroked his chin. Chat Noir blushed and purred.

 

"...mmmm fine! But I don't see why-aauuh," he gasped.

 

She stopped him with her hand. Ladybug could be persuasive when she wanted to be and he knew it. Chat tried to steady with breathing, "M-my Lady, if you want me to hold out, you can't play dirty like that. No fair." Chat Noir tentatively pushed her hand away, but she refused and applied more pressure. "Oooowh..." Chat Noir groaned with pleasure.

 

"Kitty," she made him look at her, "what I say, goes." She smirked.

 

Chat eyed her with lust. **_She's so hot. I can't do this, I just can't!_**

 

He pulled on the neck of her suit and exposed her neck. He leaned in slowly.

 

"Tsk, tsk, if you even think about it, you cat, I swear you're screwed."

 

"Yes. Screw me hard, babe," he whispered in her ear and kissed her neck.

 

"Not yet..." she whispered. Ladybug pushed him away. "Patience. Now get your sorry ass away from me."

 

Chat Noir chuckled. "Each day, I swear you sound more and more like Alya."

 

"And each day, I swear you're slowly turning Nino into you," she pointed with her thumb at the other two miraculous holders. Chat Noir and Ladybug brought their attention back to them once more.

 

 

At this point Volpina was holding Jade Turtle's shield. It appeared as though Jade Turtle wanted to punch her and she'd been deflecting his attacks with his own turtle shield.

 

"You do know that nothing can break or even penatrate your shield, remember. I'm protected," Volpina said and stuck out her tongue at him.

 

"It may protect you from my attacks, but nothing can protect you from my throbbing sword, I'll penatrate you easily," he smirked. Volpina blushed and got caught off guard. Turtle leaped at her and bowled her to the ground. He landed right on top of her. "Let's just hope I don't break you."

 

Volpina looked up at him with nervousness. She swallowed and tried to react but couldn't move.

 

 

"Oh sh*t, we have a horny badass here," Chat whisper-yelled in excitement.

 

Ladybug covered him mouth, "Ssshhh, they'll hear you!" He muttered a muffled 'sorry'.

 

 

"You're so hot when you're seductive and kinky with me. You're feisty, and I like feisty," Jade Turtle said to Volpina.

 

Volpina couldn't respond. She didn't know what to say or do. She wished Marinette was there now to help her. **_I'm the best wing girl in the world yet I don't have one for myself!_ ** Volpina couldn't think straight. She was so shocked and taken aback by Turtle's new found confidence. She had never even thought it a possibility for him to be so f*cking annoying. And yet hot all at once... ** _I want him so bad...but I can't! No, Alya, no._**

 

Volpina looked up at Jade Turtle. He smiled and then let out a loud scream in her face.

 

Volpina stared at him. "What?"

 

"I still remember the way you screamed at me, when we first met," Jade Turtle looked at her with a gentle gaze this time.

 

"W-what?"

 

"I know...I love you too." The bridge of Volpina's nose turned bright pink.

 

 

***Flashback***

 

"Hello, Jade Turtle, this is Volpina, our newest member," Ladybug said. She guided an orange suited miraculous holder forward by the hand.

 

"You two will get along great! I can just feel it," Chat Noir said. As the two shook hands, he gave Ladybug a look and whispered, "I think I'm already feline a connection." Chat Noir laughed and Ladybug groaned with irritance, but then she smiled in understanding.

 

"Um hi," they both say at once. Jade Turtle and Volpina's eyes lock. The pun-loving feline and his partner saw the love in the new heroes' eyes. Jade Turtle smiled lovingly at her and she grinned at him.

 

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Volpina released an ear splitting shriek.

 

"Uh..." Jade's eyes went wide at the orange clad woman before him, who had now stopped screaming.

 

"IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE, I SWEAR!" Volpina tried to explain.

 

"Um ok? ...why?"

 

"I'm so sorry, I just had this sudden urge to scream and I don't know why and I couldn't help it and I'm just as confused as you are and-" she kept ranting nervously.

 

"Just how oblivious are you, Jade?" Chat smirked.

 

"Don't make the lady do all the work, son." Ladybug frowned and leaned into Chat's shoulder.

 

"Uh no- What do you guys even mean?" The dark green suited hero turned to look at the main duo. They both gave him smug looks, making them look like foxes as well. "Ummm, what?" Jade Turtle asked nervously.

 

Chat coughed and said, "Hint: foxes scream when they meet their soulmates."

 

Jade exchanged a glance at Volpina, then at the duo, and then back at Volpina.

 

The brunette clasped a hand at her slightly open mouth to prevent any further screaming as she obviously knew about this fact. She gave Jade Turtle an embarrassed side glance and her ears drooped.

 

 ** _Damn, she looks cute..._** Jade Turtle thought.

 

"W-what are you talking about, Chat? I don't- I mean, Jade Turtle is NOT my soulmate. Why would I even think of that? He doesn't even look that cool as people says he is!" Volpina ranted indigenently.

 

_**...not** _

 

"Oh yeah? You're not cute either!" He exclaimed back at the brunette.

 

"I'm not cute, I'm beautiful!" She shot with a sudden burst of fire.

 

"HA, you wish! You're not even pretty, nevermind beautiful, not even a bit." Jade internally sighed as he said lies about the girl before him. **She _is_ beautiful, but her mouth doesn't suit her face. She looks better when her trap is shut.** He chuckled to himself.

 

***Flashback over***

 

 

"Get. Off. Me." Volpina said sternly to him. He gave her a look and shook his head in defiance. "Get the f*ck off of me you motherf*cking turtle!" She shoved him and he got off.

 

"Fine, there happy?" He brushed himself off from the tussle.

 

"No, I'm not."

 

"Why not, gorgeous?" He asked and got close to her.

 

"'Cause you're still here," she said grumpily and pushed him back.

 

Jade Turtle's heart throbbed. That last jab hurt. He frowned and hung his head in sadness. "...oh."

 

She realized she'd hurt him and touched his shoulder. He shrugged her off. "Don't touch me."

 

"Fine then! F*ck off, I have a boyfriend anyway and stop having daydreams about me!" She huffed aggressively. Chat and Ladybug facepalmed at what Volpina had just said.

 

"Puh-lease, I have a girlfriend who I love so much and I don't and will never have daydreams about you!" Ladybug almost wanted to scream at Jade.

 

"Oh yeah? You? Ha, how could a horny, sick, twisted, little sh*t like you, possibly have a girlfriend," Volpina said. She examined her fox claws and added coldly,"I feel sorry for the poor girl."

 

"What?" Jade Turtle faced her with fire in his eyes.

 

"Oh wait, no I don't," Volpina turned to him. "Because she's not real." Her frigid stare on him, a mean snarlish grin spread on her face.

 

"You b*tch! I-"

 

"Yep that's what I am, a b*tch, a female fox."

 

"No. That's not a compliment, you f*ckin b*tch-"

 

"A b*tch is a female dog or canine (me), dogs bark, bark grows on trees, trees are a part of nature, nature is beautiful, so yeah thanks for that compliment sweetie," she said, interrupting him again. She waved him off with her hand and turned away.

 

Jade Turtle tensed up and clenched his jaw. He bawled his fists in anger. This she-dog had insulted his love, his dear sweet Alya, when she wasn't even there to defend herself. He would defend Alya in her place. He would kill for her. He loved her.

 

"You have no right," he said in a low angry voice.

 

"What?" Volpina flicked her ears in his direction and stared in shock at what she saw.

 

"You cannot just say that about my love! My girlfriend is my soulmate, the moon in my sky, she's the most precious thing to me in this world and I love her!" Nino fumed and gave Volpina a stare that sent chills through her. His blood boiled like fire in his vains. "You shut up about her! Apologize right now!"

 

Volpina tried to swallow her fear but it caught in her throat. She trembled in place as fear engulfed her body, unable to move or respond for herself. Jade Turtle lunged. Volpina stood still like a deer in headlights, well a fox in headlights that is. It was that clichéd moment in life when time seemed to slow and every second was like an hour. The atmosphere thickened and Volpina felt as though her heart would beat till it tore through her chest, but at the same time she could hear blood roaring in her ears. She had one thought, **_What have I done, am I going to die?_**

 

 

"Oh my god!" Chat Noir exclaimed. He and Ladybug quickly came out of their hiding spots and ran to the scene. Ladybug threw her yo-yo at the attacking hero and it snaked around him swiftly. She pulled it tight and he fell backwards on his ass.

 

"WTF! Ladybug let me go!" He squirmed in the wire.

 

Chat Noir stood in front of the scared fox woman. "Volpina. Volpina. Hey, talk to me! Are you alright?!" Chat shook her vigorously by the shoulders to return her from her dazed state. Her horrified gaze stayed glued to the empty space in front of her where the turtle hero had once stood. She mumbled something that to Chat sounded like a shocked, 'Oh my god...'

 

Chat Noir heard his best friend grunt in pain and agitation again. He turned around and took a defensive stance in front of the orange heroine behind him. Ladybug now had Jade Turtle underfoot, who was still tangled up tight in her yo-yo.

 

"What the hell man!" Jade gave Chat an angry stare.

 

"What the hell? What the hell, Jade? Really? Why do you think we tied you up?" He yelled at the newer hero. "This isn't ok! It's gone on long enough, you two."

 

"Indeed Chat Noir. He's right. Both of you are partners, companions, colleagues! You are friends!"

 

"But she-"

 

"She what, Nino!?" Chat Noir screamed at last.

 

Everyone stopped. Chat Noir realized what he had just done and stood rigid. Ladybug gave him a shocked stare. She wanted to smack him, she couldn't believe he had just said that.

 

"What did you just say?" A voice behind him spoke. Chat stared through the corner of his eye. He didn't speak. "Chat Noir, Did I hear you correctly?" She grabbed his shoulder, not hard, but she moved him aside with ease. Her dazed look of fear was now replaced with shock and realization. "Nino?"

 

The green hero on the floor looked up at her with a snarl. "Get away!"

 

"Nino, please-"

 

"Don't call me that! You have no right! And Chat, I hate you bro!"

"Nino, let me say-"

 

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say, b*tch."

 

"Nino please!" Her voice was just below a wail. He was still tied down on the platform floor. Ladybug loosened her foot hold when Volpina kneeled down near him. Volpina tried to touch him.

 

"Stop! Don't touch me! Get lost!" He spat angrily as his gloved hand scratched the fox's face. Volpina finally managed to get a hold of him, ignoring the stinging pain on her cheek.

 

She cupped his left cheek and chin delicately in her hands. "But Nino, I love you."

 

"What!? No! Get back!"

 

"Jade, shut up!" Chat yelled at him again.

 

"Why!?" He yelled back and squirmed some more.

 

"Stop spouting bad things to your girlfriend whom you said that you 'love so much'," Chat finally said.

 

Nino was about to scream another insult when Chat spoke. The hero froze. "What?" Nino relaxed his tense body in confusion. LB released him completely when he said "I'm calm...let me up."

 

Ladybug walked to the Chat who'd f*ck ed it all up. He tried to read her expression but found that he couldn't. Her eyes straight, and her mouth too, a thin line of expressionlessness. Her face seemed calm. He expected a hug and opened his arms smugly.

 

"You f*king moron. You stupid Cat! You f*cking screwed up everything and ruined it and they...my f*cking soap opera!" She repeatedly smacked him on his chest to every word.

 

A simple _mraow_ of pain was all that was heard.

 

Once Ladybug's rage had cooled a bit, he caught her hands. She glared at this and he gestured with his chin to the other two heroes. She looked.

 

 

Nino slowly got up and Alya held his hand, aiding him to his feet. Both stared in awe at each other, eyes locked.

 

They stood hand in hand, eyes reflecting, their bodies mirrors of the other. Neither spoke. Nino broke the silence first.

 

"...Alya?" He asked and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. She couldn't feel this through her suit but the gesture was sweet.

 

The fox woman didn't know what to say. Alya in the Volpina costume bit her lip nervously and stared at their hands. It was warm.

 

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

 

"It's not your fault so please don't say you're sorry." Volpina didn't dare to look up and see his face. **_His hot face, but no, not right now._**

 

"But I-"

 

"Like I told you, it's not your fault."

 

"Volpi- Alya."

 

"Ni-NO, it's not your fault."

 

"I attacked you-" he was cut off as Volpina jumped on him. Their lips collided with passion. He was surprised at first but then kissed back after a few moments. Jade Turtle and Volpina closed their eyes and he deepened the kiss with his tongue. It challenged her tongue for dominance as he pulled her in closer. There was hardly room for oxygen.

 

Chat stared at the couple who was now on the ground, kissing each other senseless. He made a face in response to the not so quiet make out session.

 

"We should leave them be for now," Ladybug whispered beside him "they'll be fine."

 

The black cat smiled at her as he took her hand. "Yeah, they will." The duo walked away from the other two, hand-in-hand, grinning at each other.

 

 

******

 

foxes scream when they meet their soulmates.

 

hybrid turtle fox :v

 

ch2 gonna be out _pretty_ soon

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> mary: OK WHO'S READY FOR A FKN LEMON!!!!!
> 
> erika: kitty, chill *wipes sweat* ch2 will be out pretty soon after I edit a few lines. (this was supposed to be a oneshot but it got longer and longer so we made it as a threeshot fic)
> 
> The name 'Jade Turtle' was from Thelastpilot's fics, "Won't Tell A Soul" and "The Weight of Jade". The credits for Nino's miraculous name belongs to her. So yeah <3
> 
> erika: I suggest you guys should read that fic :3 you wont regret it
> 
> (mary is out sleeping as i post this in ao3)
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  


End file.
